You are not me.

Many other friends who have heard of my dramatic story keep telling me, its no point me being sad because they won't know and they don't care. I should get out of this shit and be happy. Never be trapped by the past, I must move forward. I am very clear of what I need to do BUT the problem is, you are not me. You are not experiencing this in my shoes. No matter how upset I am, you won't understand. You guys won't understand how badly hurt I am this time even though we only knew each other for a pathetic few months. Not like years. BUT I opened up my heart for him when I thought everything will work out. BUT it was just a dream of mine. BUT I still don't understand him, as in his true feelings deep in his heart. Did he really want to have such a ending?

Yesterday I met up with my poly friends which includes my best friend too. It was awkward. When I see him, I felt that he is just beside him only. My whole mind is him. I can't help it no matter how I try to control. My heart can't control how much I miss him and how much I miss the way he use to talk to me, how he use to be so nice to me. It wasn't easy to meet such a attentive guy in my life. He is a good guy. But things just did not work out. Last night, I had so much things that I wanna ask my best friend but my mouth just keep shut. I don't know how long this awkwardness will last. Months.. years???

Its easy to console people. But the one listening to it may not able to walk out just like this. How long does it take for these feelings to fade? Its never easy.

I miss you very much.