I hate it when it affects me.

Why must you act like you care about me. You said does it make me feel better writing the post on fb. Then why would you want to write such a long post for me to read and talk to you. What's the bullshit about me making my half truth and I should talk to you to find out the truths I want to know. WTF.. the way you said.. all I needa do is to talk to you.. I stupidly talk to you. You told me all those 大道理 about being happier, don't be so miserable.. life isn't about love, do other things to keep myself busy. You can help me with almost eveything except ONE thing. That is the ONE thing which could cure me almost immediately. But you can't help. You say I need to sort out my love feelings for this friendship. I know I should, otherwise I'm forever trapped. But do you know how hard is it. I am almost going to be can't be bother attitude towards you and you suddenly wrote that post for me. After talk to you, I did agree with your sayings but then back to reality when I'm alone, everything back to usual shit. You AFFECTED me. I STUPIDLY let myself affected by you AGAIN! Sometimes I really hate myself. I feel so stupid. Everything I could do and handle well except when it comes to you. Previous guy also the same. You also the same. FUCK!

Leave me alone. Perhaps that would make me totally give up everything about you. Don't talk to me. Don't console me because that makes me even more sad right now. As each day I reminded myself to face you as close friend, my heart just hurts each day. You may laugh at me but that is my true feelings. I can honestly tell you here that I still like you even though we do not contact or go out. Ever since that day my feelings for you never change. I did not let myself easily like you. It was through your actions, your attitude towards me which makes me open up my heart for you. You are a unique guy, you are so different from all other guys who try to be close to me for other idiot reasons. That's why to me, you are special. I could only write here to make myself better. I am not going to write anything on fb anymore because you will follow mine. I'm actually quite glad that I am still part of your life. But not that part that I hope it would be. Now it might not be the right time to be together, I will wait. But if one day someone better than you appear, I will leave. But for now, you meant everything to me. Not just friends but more than friends.

Right now, I will try not to let it affect me TOO MUCH. I must control.