ytd night i finally had the courage to sms him and ask him about him and his ex-gf whether he has make a decision or not. and i told him actually i'm very upset since last week, since the day he told me about this cruel fact. but NO REPLY from him. i not sure is it he purposely dont want to reply me in order to hint to me that he already make the choice and back with her, or he dont have credits to reply my sms, or he dont know what to reply. I dont want to think anymore. and so i decided, for now, take it as he already decide to be back with her. and wait till one day there's an answer given to me. i don't want to sms him anymore regards to this issue. i'm so upset that i'm having a slight flu now. i want to cry but my body condition doesn't allow me too. the moment i want to cry, my nose feels so painful because of the slight flu. I FEEL SO SUFFOCATED! maybe at the end of this, i'm just nothing to you from the beginning, and i stupidly having feelings for you after all these months and now this has to happen. my mum's prediction was right, the ex-gf will be back and it really happened. at least i know, my mum is the only one who will NEVER EVER HURT ME in my whole life, and i frankly told her that the other day, i almost cry out in front of her.

being hurt again, i have make the choice of ignoring love in my life. i tot i will never like a person again, till i get to know you. when i have feelings for you, all i get is ignorance. i know you are stressed with your work, as well as this fucking stupid issue. i will never pester you on this anymore. i will slowly erase everything that has happened all these while. i give up, by letting go and move on. it takes time, how long? i don't know.

the truth is, my heart really hurts.