As each time I questioned myself, why did you in the first place ask me to be your new gf when you can't even let go your gf and in the end all you did was to let me go. Did you ever feel that its fucking unfair to me? Did you even fucking care about how I felt, how hurt it was to be in this kind of situation? I shouldn't be thinking of all these anymore, but the problem is I can't get you out of my mind. Everyday at work, I had to pretend I don't care about you at all, I don't talk to you even we see each other around, because at least I had the courage to walk out of this asap so that the hurt will lessen and the feelings be gone for you. I couldn't explain the feelings when I see you, it just felt like yesterday. I keep remember the times we spend together, how happily we are, discussing about your new DIY computer, calling me at night to chat awhile, how we use to tease each other at work, and how we fight to get high score for the ipad game? All these that happened was real and true, but now it seems like it was crashed into pieces, millions and millions, just like how my heart felt from that day you let me go yet still want me. It was torturing feeling because I can't never ever guess what's on your mind for our rlsn.

The other day you talk to my colleague, and I don't even dare to look at your direction although we are not far apart. Then my colleague told me that while talking to her, your eyes were focusing on my direction, you were looking at me and my colleague saw it. I really felt so happy when she told me this, but then I realised nothing will ever change the rlsn between us now. No matter what I do, I will never the one in your heart. So what for be delighted to know this?

I seriously don't know why I am writing all these here, because no one understands me. Blogging helps to write out my true feelings.

All I want in life its just to be happy, to have a proper rlsn and someone who really loves me. But it seems like it was really hard to have it, so I had stopped.

We are moving to a new floor with our new office. We are getting further apart now. I just wish that one day, just one fine day, I can walk out of this and be truly happy..