I remembered how we started. How he like me in the beginning, and how i rejected him the next day because i was not prepared. But we still get together in the end. My first relationship in my life. I treasure it alot, from nothing to everything. From like to love. Then a year later, after I started attachment and working, our relationship seems to go downhill. Quite a couple of ups and downs. I tried to hang on, because I believed that love will overcome everything, at that time. But in the end, i choose to give up and thus we were separated. I felt like i was dying, no meaning for living anymore, no more love in my life. I really cannot remember how long i took to start recovering and start to accept the fact that we're over. But i managed to overcome everything and survived till now. Sounds ridiculous? But you never know how much i been through in the beginning, because you are not me and you never know how i felt because you have never been out of love before or have never broke off with someone you really loved.

Even we are not together, i still care about him. But i never pester him. Just get to know about his life from friends, is enough already. Then i saw him on facebook at the beginning, i did not add him as my friend at first. because i was afraid that he will ignore my request, but if i keep waiting for him to add me, i know he wont so in the end i still added him in my friend list. we never really communicate. but at least i know how has he been these few years through the comments, statues and photos. Then the other day, i message him in fb. he did reply, ya but formally which makes me feel disappointed and awkward. because it was never like this before. i took up my courage, tried to communicate but it just ends there. I dont know why. Was it because he really dont want to communicate at all, or was it because he scare that if we continue to communicate, i will pester him one day to patch things up. I dont know and i dont want to ask him. I just let it be like this and its time to move on happily. Which i hope so, happily!

I see couples everyday in my life. You never know what's going on between them, whether they are always so loving or they always argue etc etc. I start to wonder what does love mean to me now. I used to be very excited about love, about getting a boyfriend, about having a relationship. But now? I think love is not as "WOAH" as it used to be in my heart and there's no ever-lasting love. Some people can change partners like changing clothes. Some people can still have flings behind their partners. Then where is the trust and honesty and loyalty to your other half. Have anyone thought that, by cheating/betraying your other half, you will bound to have retribution on yourself and maybe the next relationship you have. There's no single guy that you can trust in your life. To be honest, guys are like this naturally. You can't blame them. But if you believe, there might still be some who are really good guys. Where? Hard to find! When guys are good to you, its either love or sex. Pardon me for being so straightforward. But there's the truth, that's the reality of guys and in relationship. There's no such thing as pure love! Stay away from love if you are not prepared to get hurt. =)

Lonely has become my companion all these while.