i told myself i shall not plan any movies with you first because i hope you will initiate and sms me. so i hint by sms asking if we will be spending time tgt this week or if you already have other plans. you told me you not sure will update me. so i waited from mon till wed. but in my mind, i already knew that the answer would be you will be partying with your friends during countdown. at least i was mentally prepared. so when you told me last night that you will be going party, i was not that disappointed afterall, although i really hope i can spend my countdown and the 1st day of year 2010 with you, but it never come true. alittle disappointed and sad last night. then suddenly you sms me, telling me that your ex-gf contacted you back and you are stressed. then i thought, probably you are stressed because you dont know who to choose? or you not sure if you shld go back to her? i mean i have no rights to tell you, can you choose me instead? i did not tell him that. so i ask him, how? told him he must think carefully and properly. and i seriously dont know what else to say, because you are telling me all these, and i was crying badly while replying you. do you think i should act as normal, advise you as a friend and tell him, "oh.. you should choose to be back with your ex-gf la. since its a three years relationship.." i'm not able to do that, becuz i realised i have feelings for you already. so all i did was tell him, if he can't let go then just go back with her. follow his heart to make the decision. i sounded so 伟大 when i reply him that. but actually i'm hurt like mad. my tears are uncontrollable for the whole night. i was trying my best to sleep, but i just couldn't control the tears. i can't even cry out loud becuz my mum is near me. i cried till my nose was blocked and i can't breathe properly while trying my best to sleep. after an hour or so, i managed to sleep but when i wake up this morning, i look into the mirror and tears dropped again. you once told me let's not rush, so i listened and never pester you. and now comes your ex-gf asking to be back with you while i am waiting patiently for you. what have i done to deserve all these pains. between someone who you have been tgt for 3years and someone who you have know for 3months, i think i knew what your decision would be like. i'm already mentally prepared. i will just treat all these like a dream, pretend nothing has happened between us. i will try my best no matter what. i can't smile at all now. my heart pains like shit. people always says, its more painful when the wound starts to heal, and you tear it again. ya, that's the pain i'm feeling now. at the end of the day, there will be someone getting hurt. and that someone will be me. you know what, i'm sick of all these. putting feelings for someone, and then caring and missing someone badly, end up being the one getting hurt. no more love. no more believe in relationship. no more believe in guys. no more believe in forever.

i'm always the one getting hurt.
saddest moments on the last day of 2009 and 1st day of 2010.
STAY OUT OF LOVE!