i seriously couldn't help but keep thinking how i manage to survive for the past few years. i remembered clearly few years back, my mum nag at me for neglecting her because of my love life. and after being single, i stayed with her most of the time after work and during weekend. i always feel bad about neglecting her in the past. sometimes i feel like i'm living my life aimlessly. weekdays, go to work in the morning, go home after work. weekends, stay at home with laptop and mum. occasionally go out with mum & friends. i really dont know why my life has become like this. i miss the old me. crazy girl with lots of crazy acts and laughters. now i even feel tired to smile.
and seldom i smile wholeheartedly. my character has changed quite alot for the past few years. sometimes i feel so lazy to do anything, like with no purpose. you know how that felt? if you have gone thru the same like me, maybe you will. but if no, you will never know how it felt exactly. the moment i made that decision, i felt my heart has stopped functioning. and my life is crashed. you may say it sound silly and foolish by writing this entry. but you dont understand me at all. love has hurt me too deeply that i dont even trust it anymore. no matter how much i look forward to love, there's always that warning in my heart. i felt that my heart is dead again and again.
been sad for the saddest moments of my life. been crying for the longest time of my life. been wondering what has happened to me and my life. been tired since that decision in my life. when i met love, it teach me how to fall in love and deeply in love. but love never tell me how to cure myself out of the pain. so what is love? and why must we have love? i'm really heartbroken all these while with no signs of recovering even till now. LEAVE ME ALONE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME.